Scotto Williams will return

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Progress: A small spread of new one-sentence reviews. Sigh, remember when I used to do a ton at once? You changed, man. August 21/08

Kickin' it Old School: Jamie Kennedy proves why he doesn't deserve a movie career in this gaspingly tiresome comedy that has no clue how to use its premise for laughs or drama, and all Michael Rosenbaum can do is turn in a decent performance as the cocky villain. * 1/2

The Ex: Zach Braff treads a well-worn path in this formulaic comedy that occasionally reaches out for some unusual humour and occasionally succeeds; it may be totally minor and missable, but Jason Bateman plays the romantic rival so well I really want it to work. ** 1/2

Scorpion King: The Rock stars as an ancient warrior who shoots arrows, kicks ass, and bangs high priestesses, in a movie that doesn't really require anything else from anyone. ** 1/2

Pitch Black: Surprisingly good sci-fi shocker in the mold of Alien, but not quite up to that level of craft, it's still worth a look as one of Vin Diesel's few worthwhile movies. ***

Blues Brothers 2000: Underrated but not by much, this musical fiesta sees a threadbare plot intertwining between some terrific musical numbers and an all-star jam session... it was unnecessary but a fun distraction. ** 1/2

Across the Universe: Often dazzling string of Beatles-inspired music and plot-points, some of which feature fine performances (Joe Cocker steals the show briefly, as he is wont to do,) as well as some annoying detours (after a pointless "I Am the Walrus" by Bono, we get a puzzling "Being For the Benefit of Mr. Kite" by Eddie Izzard,) it's got virtually no plot or characters you can really care about but makes for a very satisfying visual and musical experience. *** 1/2

Georgia Rule: Best described by one critic as "a sitcom about rape," this lame sitcom premise gives up on (not) being funny and decides it would rather fail at melodrama instead; populated by unlikeable characters with perplexing motivations, it's a movie that goes every which way and gets nowhere. * 1/2

Just My Luck: Slightly better Lohan fare that has no laughs but a competent plot and paper-thin performances from every one of the supporting characters. **

Next: Nicholas Cage and a bad wig (or a bad hairdo?) star in this puzzling thriller about a man who can see far enough into the future to cheat at blackjack using his abilities to score chicks and avoid serving his government, but without the ability to see far enough to realize that the movie goes nowhere and has a conclusion that is....... abrupt and incomplete. * 1/2

Forgetting Sarah Marshall: Excellent Apatow-style comedy from Jason Segel that repurposes a cliche sitcom plot into a brilliant comedy of manners/media satire with a finale that must be seen to be believed. **** 1/2

Sicko: Michael Moore exposes several horror stories about the American medical system while contrasting with better-functioning alternatives from all over the world in this decent and characteristically zealous documentary *(that's why he's successful!) *** 1/2

Iron Man: Robert Downey Jr. makes a perfect anti-hero in this spot-on take of a normally secondary hero, here portrayed deftly in three dimensions in a complicated world that seems like it could actually be happening. ****

National Lampoon's Senior Trip: In this un-raunchy mid-90's teen caper, there are not enough breasts to hold a viewer's attention, and not enough decent bits to make it worth while... the National Lampoon sub-Porky's tradition began here! **

Ratatouille: Gorgeous and sharp-as-a-knife (har har) Pixar flick that carries a much better message for kids than some of the lamer CGI efforts out there (Cars jumps to mind,) one of the 50% that belongs in the Disney canon. ****

Incredible Hulk: Not much substance but plenty of smash in this re-tooling of a franchise; the cast keeps up their end of the bargain and the special effects are thrilling but the script was the weak point, with a Superman Returns-style half-a-plot that just managed to hold together enough action to make it work. ***

Brothers Solomon: I like Will Forte, and I like Will Arnett, and yet seeing them as cloying, socially-retarded brothers made for a kinda dreary 90 minutes with only a few laughs. ** 1/2

Blades of Glory: Lightweight as far as recent comedies go (like a lot of Will Farrell's recent work) but enjoyable enough to pop on whenever it comes on the movie network. ***

Balls of Fury: I enjoyed this a lot more than I thought I would, but considering I thought it would be total shit that's hardly an endorsement; unexpected laughs surprise you from time to time in this meek would-be sports send-up that wastes its ending - a few times over - without any decent payoff. **

The Dark Knight: Basically the perfect concoction of a superhero film, with a meticulous plot, strong characterization and action that will keep you fascinated... probably the best film I will see this year. *****

Gossip: Forgettable late-90's thriller that ruins a half-decent flick with a stupid twist ending that leaves you asking, "Er, what?" **

As outrageous as it seems, this website has been around for nearly 4 years. Nobody visits it, but that's fine since there's not much to see. But it makes me feel comfortable to have a little shard of real estate on the net where I can stow my crap and make believe I'm being seen. I've had this site since before MySpace and Facebook made it easy to tell everyone what your favourite movies were.

That's why it needs an overhaul. The time is right. I've neglected it all year. There are one-sentence reviews not getting done, stuff that really doesn't belong here, and other junk that needs re-arranging.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to amp up the site with my blistering webdesign sense. The anti-design works for me and I like using it. It suits my neo-Luddite tendencies. But in order for this to get done, Interneta has to go away. Ideally it will be done in time for May, which is Interneta's birth-month, but hopefully even sooner because there's not that much to do.

In the meantime, you can still enjoy all my various other stuff on the web including:

I hope mainly to streamline my rants and creations, which are the main focus of the site. Interneta needs to find its center again. Thans for reading this (if you are.)